Our Need for Validation

I read this poem that inspired me to write on self esteem &; validation:-

There once was an oyster, whose story I'll tell

Who found that some sand, had gotten into his shell

It was only a grain, but gave him great pain

For oysters have feelings, although they are plain

Now, did he berate the harsh workings of fate

That had brought him to such a deplorable state?

"No", he said to himself, "Since I cannot remove it",

I'll lie in my shell, and think how to improve it",

The years rolled around, as the years always do,

And he came to his ultimate destiny ....in a pot of  stew.

Now the small grain of sand that had bothered him so,

 Was a beautiful pearl all richly aglow,

This tale has a moral, for isn't it grand,

 What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand?

Think...what could we do, if we'd only begin,

With some of the things that get under our skin.

Too often we don't realize what we have until it is gone;

Too often we wait too late to say"I'm sorry - I was wrong"

Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones we hold dearest to our hearts;

And we allow foolish things to tear our lives apart

Far too many times we let unimportant things into our minds;

And then it's usually too late to see what made us blind

So be sure that you let people know how much they mean to you;

Take that time to say the words before your time is through

Be sure that you appreciate everything you've got

And be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot

I may never see tomorrow, there is no written guarantee

I cannot predict the future, I cannot change the past

I have just the present moment, I must treat it as my last

 I must use this moment wisely, for it will soon pass away

And be lost to me forever, as part of yesterday

I must exercise compassion, help the fallen to their feet.

Be a friend unto the friendless, make an empty life complete

The unkind things I do today, may never be undone

And friendships that I fail to win, may never more be won

I may not have another chance on bended knee to pray

And thank God with humble heart, for giving me this day

women are their own worst enemies

Even though women have traditionally been home makers and now they are going all out to do all the things that they never did before, like working in offices, getting top positions in companies, getting ahead in the fields that once belonged only to men, they can say they have arrived; but have they really?

Sometimes, we feel so superficial within themselves. Is this what we really want, then why the emptiness within? Why the feelings of incapability, feelings of not being loved, anger, jealousy and fear? So self-esteem counts here.

Self-Esteem issues in Women play a major role in their life to feel good about themselves. They endorse thin, skinny models, lay a huge emphasis on exterior beauty,become anorexic and bulimic, and believe that being fair of skin is a sign of great beauty?

They welcome other people’s judgment at the drop of a hat and are completely devoid of their own personal beliefs.

This is sheer hogwash. Life is beautiful, when you know how to enjoy it, without negative emotions caused by low self-esteem.

Remember, the healing begins with you. First learn to love yourself and only then can you love others. Your mind will be enriched and empowered to take your life into your own hands.

Sometimes we are concerned with being right and we don't stop to think that our comments or our actions might hurt another person's feelings.

We don't always get enough validation in this world, or perhaps we did not receive enough validation from our parents and our teachers and the people who were around us when we were growing up, so we try to be right and find validation now in this world, sometimes at the expense of other people.

It is okay to have a different opinion from another person. But it is not our job or responsibility to try to convince everybody else that they are either wrong or that they have an inaccurate perception of a certain subject. We have enough to do just trying to keep ourselves on the straight and narrow.

If you're going to say anything that's critical, try to find the sweetest way, the least insulting way to present your point of view. In doing so, you are more likely to get a favorable response from the other party. Nobody is going to pay attention to you, or validate what you are saying if they feel attacked.

Sometimes in our youth we think that we know everything. Sometimes we find out later that we did not know everything after all. Ouch.

As we mature we may begin to realize that we don't require validation from anyone else. That is just living in victim mode. We are powerless and everyone else but us has power over us. WRONG!

When we accept responsibility for our lives and our choices, and we give ourselves permission to become self-validating, we no longer seek nor need validation from anyone else.

However, we need to be very clear with ourselves about how high we set the bar as far as ethics go. Don't cheat yourself by placing that bar too low, or you never really will achieve the self-esteem and the self-validation that you seek because it will be based on standards that are inadequate.

When we show humility and humbleness, we become empowered. It's through being non-offensive, tolerant, and truly caring of others that we can gain the most respect from the people around us. There's an old saying that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. It's also true that you attract more friends and respect with sweetness than with bitterness.

It's interesting to note that the kinder we are to others, the better we feel about ourselves. And you will find that people will tell you how much they appreciate your kindness and your thoughtfulness.

It will make you unique in this world. This world is a harsh place sometimes. When you can be a safe space of healing, of love, of non-judgment, you will discover your greatest power. Your energy will shift into a magnetic state. You will find that good luck and love will flow to you while you are in that state.

as the old saying goes, doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, you'll find that your life begins to work, and the things that you desire to have in your life will begin to appear.

It's by living by thus that all things become possible. It's by working through the heart rather than the head that true power is found. You need to be thinking correctly, that is true. But you need to be kind and considerate and loving, to yourself and to others, in order to become empowered in this world. It is from that state that others will find you attractive and will be drawn to you in both business and personal situations. You cannot give out love and kindness to the world without receiving the same back yourself. What you give is what you receive.

Having earned the right to self-validate, be generous and spread around lots of validation to others in your life. That's true. Somehow, though, it's within us. I have had to fight myself at times, when I was much younger, determining if what I really wanted was a serious relationship with someone, or if I was just looking for someone to validate the fact that I was a semi-attractive, valuable human being.

It's all within the self-esteem women have. And usually, they don't have much. Problem is, when they have it, they're considered "arrogant". Can't win for losing, heh?