Life 's vagaries

Life’s Vagaries   

I’ve learned-
1) That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
2) That no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.
3) That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
4) That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
5) That it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
6) That you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
7) That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.
8) That you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.
9) That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
10) That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
11) That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
12) That you can keep going long after you can’t.
13) That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
14) That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
15) That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
16) That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
17) That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
18) That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
19) That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.
20) That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
21) That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
22) That just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
23) That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
24) That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
25) That your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.
26) That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
27) That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
28) That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
29) That a rich person is not the one who has the most but is one who needs the least.
30) That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
31) That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
32) That you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
33) That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
34) That no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you too will be hurt in the process.
35) That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
36) That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
37) That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
38) That it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.
39) That people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
40) That the tongue has no bones but is strong enough to break a heart. So you better be careful with your words. 

Expectations lead to frustrations:

As I said in my pointers in "Frustrations" it makes us into thieves in our own homes where we do things in hiding & gives us characteristics of which we ourselves become ashamed and we end up hating what we have become, leading us not only to hate the world but even ourselves. The bottom-line for building frustrations is within us itself & something which each one of us –small big, younger older or elderly, infant toddler teenager notwithstanding has. Something we knowingly or unknowingly start from a seedling and grow into a full-grown unshakeable “bargad ka ped”.—“EXPECTATIONS”.

From expecting our moms to cook and serve, clean and love as we begin this foray into the world of expectations. It’s a 2-way addiction as our peers & parents too expect good behaviour and obedience in return. Then as we grow older we expect them to fulfil our needs as well as wishes, and our friends to accept and boost our ego & self-worth. Later still our spouses & then on our kids take over & they too are added into our list & the earlier expectations remain rather even grow. We also have untold and unspoken expectations from our loved ones and friends—as if they are mind readers & will auto guess what we expect of them!!!

This is from my personal experience----It is this very same expectation, which leads to our downfall. A downfall caused by the unfulfilled expectations, partially fulfilled ones too. We feel saddened and pain, as we feel, let down—in small gestures or big projects. This pain then transforms into anger, depression, lashing out at our closest victims or even become suicidal.

Imagine ….if we did not “expect”, then there would be no “fulfilling” & hence no feeling of being let down or disappointment. In fact, because we don’t expect anything from anyone—every little bit we get any love, kind gestures, help, considerations……will be like a bonus during Diwali & Christmas….unexpected good returns, which not only bring gains but joy and happiness too. Blessing the giver & the receiver both.

Many cynics will say “easier said than done!”, I agree, but then who said life was easy?


Bottom-line if we take the first step towards non-expectation, at least we will have the satisfaction of doing something in order to avoid future disappointments & depression.

So remember…..

1. Don’t blame people for disappointing you, blame yourself for expecting too much from them.
2. "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."– said Alexander Pope.
3. Peace begins When expectation ends.
4. Don’t expect things to happen. It’s better to be surprised than to be disappointed.
5. What makes the earth feel like hell; is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.
6. Expectations Don’t magically Change Reality… Expectations Do Something Even More Powerful They Change The Way you Deal With Reality !!

Searching your soul for answers

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud.Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. There are... things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind.We run away all the time to avoid coming face to face with ourselves.There is a limit to how much you can change to be liked for who you really are.The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this:decide what you want.Truth hurts - not the searching after; rather it is the running from!When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.


"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves." Dalai Lama

The Most Precious Gift

When it was time for his birth, The Angels were filled with pride & mirth.
The angels said to the LORD above,
This Special Child will need much love.
His progress may be erratic,
His thoughts may seem quite far away.
He may turn their lives into a roller coaster,
Their day to day will be a collage poster
For he'll require extra love & care
From the folks, he meets down there.
So please pick carefully where he's sent,
We want his life to be content.
Please, LORD, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.
They will not realize right away
The leading role they have been asked to play,
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.
Soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for their gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge, though not meek or mild,

Is HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD.

Changing the World One Smile at a Time

[written by someone else .... I agree to the opinion wholeheartedly]

When I was growing up, one of my mother’s favourite sayings was ‘honey catches more flies than vinegar.’ To which either my brother or I would inevitably reply ‘who wants to catch flies.’ Yet despite our childish derision, her words and their true intent remain with me still today.
In an age where service seems to be more often an idea rather than reality, it is all too easy to become justifiably frustrated with the people in our lives whose role we perceive as being to serve us. 
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t expect the best. Of course, we should. But we should also offer the best of ourselves to those around us. So I’m having a bad day, or even a bad week or month or year, I’m not going to make it any better by sharing my misery around. 
The other day at the supermarket I decided to try a different approach. I watched as the checkout assistant became more and more frustrated by the customers in front of me and line behind me grew longer and longer. When I got to the front of the line, instead of complaining about the wait, I thanked the checkout assistant for being so patient with the other customers. 
So here is my challenge to you - join me in changing the world one smile at a time. Smile at a stranger, thank someone who is just doing their job and be amazed at how the world starts to feel like a better place.
And to get you started – here is your first random smile from me to you :-)

At least I know I’m guilty of this and I’m sure I’m not alone. Yet how often does expressing frustration result in a better service and how often does it just result in more frustration, along with a hefty rise in blood pressure?

I’ve learnt by trial and error, many times over, that getting upset with someone over bad service, no matter what they do to fix it, never results in me feeling better about myself.

You should have seen the size of the smile I got back. Even thinking about it now still makes a big grin sweep across my face. Suddenly she felt acknowledged, recognized, valued … all the things that we so sorely need but so rarely receive. Did I get any better service from her than the people in front of me? Who knows. Did I feel a whole heap better about my interaction with her? You better believe I did!!! At the heart of this is our primal need to matter. 

The need that, in the time we walk this mortal path, we lay down lasting tracks that say to future generations ‘I was here and I made a difference.’ We are all aware of how important inclusion is. How being the wallflower at a dance, or the person in the corner at a party or the last one picked for a team can destroy our self-esteem. But recently I heard of a study that showed even acknowledgement by strangers can change for the better how we feel about our lives.

Now I am making it my mission to change the world one smile at a time. It doesn’t take much, just smiling at random strangers I pass in the street. Saying hello to someone I pass on my morning walk. Smiling and thanking the person looking after the desk at the gym. Wishing the lady at the school crossing a great day. Thanking the bus driver as I jump off the bus. It takes so little effort, but it gives so much back to me. I feel good because I’m appreciating everything around me and the smiles and kind words that I get back every so often are an unexpected bonus.

RACE against ????

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change” is the ETERNAL TRUTH.

We all flee in the hope of finding some ground of security, however, running, you should know, is a kind of stillness. It's the things we run from that hurt us the most. You can run, but sooner or later, you run out of places to run to. If you want it you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse.
It’s funny how the people who know the least, have the most to say and the people, who know the most, walk away.

You can’t escape God, and you can’t escape your skeletons in the closet. They will always be there until you take them out from behind those dusty old moth-eaten coats. Your exterior facade of ‘everything is alright’ only works for a little while, and then the cracks begin to show. You can only hide behind yourself for so long. You can’t keep running!
You learned to run from what you feel, and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control. Running away was easy; not knowing what to do next was the hard part.

There aren't any rules to running away from your problems. No checklist of things to cross off. No instructions. Eeny, meeny, pick a path and go. But our problems always find us. Sometimes quicker than others. Sometimes one month and sometimes six. There's no rule when it comes to that, either. Not about how long it takes for the problems to catch up with us. Just that they will, that much is a given. And then it's time to run again to a new town, a new home, or a new school.
But if there aren't any rules, I wonder why it feels the same every time. Feels like we leave behind a little bit of who we were in each house we've left empty. Scattering pieces of ourselves in towns all over the place. A trail of crumbs dotting the map from everywhere we've left to everywhere we go. And they don't make any pictures when we connect dots. They are random like the stars littering the sky at night. 

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.
“The robbed one that smiles, steals something from the thief.” ~William Shakespeare, in Othello
If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it round. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and at that time you had better be on speaking terms with it.
The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he's got an abscess on his knee or in his soul.

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?
“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” ~Walt Disney

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.

Our Voice

It's not so much what you say, as the manner in which you say it;

It's not so much the language you use, as the tone in which you convey it:

"Come here", I sharply said,& the child cowered & wept;

"Come here", I said, he looked & smiled,& straight to my lap, he crept.

Words may be mild & fair, but the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft like the summer air, but the tone may break my heart.

For words come from the mind, grow by study & art;

But tone leaps from the inner self, revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not, whether you mean or care;

Gentleness, kindness, love, hate, envy, anger are there.

Then, wouldn't you quarrel avoid, & let peace & love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words; keep it out of your voice.

3 Words

I AM SORRY - Three words, eight letters, so difficult to say.

They're stuck inside of me, they try and stay away.

But this is too important to let them have their way.

When I said what I said, I was wrong;

Please forgive me, and let’s start anew.

Our relationship means much to me.

I’m so sorry my blunders hurt you.

                                                             

Though your memory may bring it back up,

Won’t you please try to put it away?

I’ll be tactful and sensitive now;

I’ll think of your needs every day.

Let’s go on with our lives as we were;

I’d take it all back if I could.

Let’s focus on positive things;

What we have is important and good.

There's one sad truth in life I've found

While journeying east and west -

The only folks we really wound

Are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,

We please the fleeting guest,

And deal full many a thoughtless blow

To those who love us best.

Poem: If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

Poem: If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
a wonderfully insightful poem by Diane Loomans

http://www.flickspire.com/m/iaaw/RaiseAgain#.ToB6hACBzyd.gmail

my sentiments to a T, wonder if & when any of us with the same desire will ever be given such a chance.

If I had my child to raise all over again,
 I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
 I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
 I would do less correcting and more connecting.
 I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
 I would care to know less and know to care more.
 I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
 I'd stop playing seriously and seriously play.
 I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
 I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
 I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
 I would be firm less often and affirm much more.
 I'd model less about the love of power And more about the power of love.
--sent to me by my daughter, who is a mother herself.

My Grandchildren---{ my reason 4 positivity:) :) }

You would call yourself lucky to be blessed once in your lifetime

God has opened his gates to bless me 5 times

All angels with cherubic faces & gleaming eyes

Well  aware of ways to take us, elders for a joyride

Smiling and gurgling to get that evasive sweet

Yet making us feel as if they have done us a favor

Their tearful eyes make us squirm

Their cries wrench our hearts

Their smiles light up our lives

Their pranks make us laugh

Ages ranging from a year to 8 years

They lighten the darkest room

So mischievous, yet so innocent

Lavishing love on you

Wrapping you around their fingers

With their hugs and smiles
God gave them to us to remind us

Of his presence in our lives

Through their divinely unconditional love

So I never take them for granted, but always

Thank God for this wonderful blessing of

My grandchildren

Religion--personal or social?

It is a personal issue so long as it doesn’t affect anyone else - if you worship in private and don't try to impose your views on others or persuade them to your religious viewpoint. The moment you involve any other person in any way it becomes a social issue

Religion is such a complex concept with so many variations that it is impossible to label it, However, while it can be a great motivator for people to do good, it shouldn't be their only motive, and it shouldn't be taken to the extreme.

What bothers me is not religion itself, but intolerance. No one has the right to force their beliefs on others or discriminate against someone because of religion. Discussions and healthy debates are fine, you can't change the way others think. Even if you force someone to follow the same religion as you, you've failed, because you cannot make another person believe something they truly do not believe.

We don't just have to read scriptures and blindly believe in them, rather we should look into how maybe some of the teaching of God for whatever particular religion can stand on its own. It's a great way to get people to really stop and think about why they are acting/behaving a certain way and whether they are justified in doing so. Basically, I'm advocating education.& thinking critically about it

The true horror starts when one side believes that theirs is the only God allowed, anywhere, at all. When religious leaders eat in silver and gold plates and the vast majority of their followers eat dirt, something is wrong. I personally believe in God, I just don`t believe in those who claim to represent him/ her and have a claim to speak for them so others are only allowed to listen.

In my opinion, whatever your belief is, you should give your child as much freedom as possible to decide on his own. If you follow a religion, it is okay, but let your child decide, once it has the maturity to decide neutrally, whether it would like to be a part of that religion or not. If you force a child into one belief, you don’t give its mind the possibility to develop in its own way.

Of course, religion provides an idea of certain values and also a community where those values should be prevalent. The truth is however that if you have a functioning family or a circle of friends, a community of loving people around you, you have the support that you need to raise your child with the values that you want. You don’t need religion for that. Leave your child free to decide for himself or herself.

Pearls of Wisdom......or One Liners??????

1. People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did…but people will never forget how you made them feel.
2. Human beings get bored of being children & are in a rush to grow up, & then they long to be children again.
3. They lose their health to make money & then they lose their money to restore their health.
4. By thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
5. They live as if they will never die & they die as if they never lived.

We need to learn that:
1. What is most valuable is not what we have in our lives, but whom we have in our lives.
2. That we cannot make anyone love us. What we can do is to let ourselves be loved.
3. That it is not good to compare ourselves to others. All will be judged individually on their merits, not as a group on a comparison basis.
4. That a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
5. That it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, but it takes many years to heal them.
6. To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness & that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves too.
7. That money can buy everything but happiness.
8. That two people can look at the same thing and see it totally differently.
9. That a true friend is someone who knows everything…..but everything about you…..& likes you anyway.

Isn't it high time we did something about something this important?

As Ralph Waldo Emerson says—“Self-trust is the first secret of success”. 

However, no matter what our achievements might be, we think well of ourselves only in rare moments. We need people to bear witness against our inner judge, who keeps count of our shortcomings and transgressions. We need people to convince us that we are not as bad as we think we are.

I've let a lot of things go, but I think the hardest thing to let go is your self-image. That's what I'm working on now, as I realized that it's not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you're not. The most important opinion you have is the one you have of yourself, and the most significant things you say all day are those things you say to yourself.

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time. Listen to your heart above all other voices. When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate.

Also know for a fact that:

* Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do, it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.* 

So, don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember-the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you. For their way of thinking is---“It is necessary for me to establish a winners image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody, even if it is just by words.”

Our "self-image" is the key to our personality and behavior. Change your self image and you change your whole personality and behavior.

Unfortunately few realize that at any stage in life—“The greatest single cause of a poor self-image is the absence of unconditional love.” 

Why Parents Interfere With Relationships ---meddlesome interference or advise?

Definitions of ‘interference'---the act of hindering or obstructing or impeding activity  that can disturb communication

Definitions of ‘advice’---a proposal for an appropriate course of action to,offer an opinion –a choice put before someone

 Parents interfere with relationships for a variety of reasons. In every case, their interference stems from a feeling of entitlement toward the grown child. The parent feels that, by dint of giving birth to and raising their child, they have the right to have some say in their child’s life through adulthood. This is not always a bad thing; many times it stops at mere concern for the grown child’s life and gentle, well-meant advice. Unfortunately, in many cases it goes much further than that. Both parents have the potential for this kind of controlling behavior.

Misplaced concern for a person’s welfare is perhaps the leading cause of parental interference. In many parents minds, their children are still children no matter how old they are. They have spent the better part of the last couple of decades raising their children and advising them in everything, and it’s hard to truly grasp that they are now adults capable of making their own decisions and living with the consequences of those choices. If a parent doesn’t approve of the child’s choice of mate for any reason, they are  more likely to try to advise the child out of sheer habit, and often out of a sometimes unconscious belief that they still know what’s best for the kids.

From the outside looking in, no one can get a clear picture of any relationship. Many people are content to confide in their significant other rather than a parent at all times – except when there’s a problem. If there are issues within the relationship, people are more likely to turn to friends or family for advice. Parents are often the natural choice. A person will have had firsthand experience of the kind of relationship his/her parents had and so can see the results of advice given. Many times, parents who have made bad decisions can share with their grown children what they wish they’d done instead. However, seeking advice from parents can have the negative side effect of making them think that there is more bad than good. When there is no problem you don’t confide in them, and when people are perfectly happy they’re much less likely to share it with people outside the relationship than if they’re unhappy.

Some parents see every issue within a relationship as a confirmation that their misgivings about the child’s partner were right. If someone wants to believe something of someone, they are very likely to hang on to the bits of information that support their case and ignore the others. Oftentimes this is not a conscious thing, but it can lead to very meddlesome behavior on the part of a parent who thinks they’re working for their child’s best interest.

On the more dysfunctional side, parents may interfere in a marriage because they themselves are unhappy. For some  they’ve never been in a healthy relationship and so are convinced that any relationship their grown child is in will only lead to heartache. They can not accept that their child’s happiness is genuine, and so go looking for what must be wrong.

Another reason for meddling is general unhappiness in the parents own marriage. Parents who have a very clear idea what they want but are not getting it may project their own wants on their children. The result is the constant needling, “Does she do ______ for you?” “Does he give you ______?” and the resultant lectures or disapproval if the answers should be something other than what the parent thinks it should be. Some parents have difficulty accepting that their children are completely different people and their wants, needs, and priorities will be different.

Finally, parents with an empty nest may have extreme difficulties giving up control of their child’s life. While no one truly has control over another, it’s somewhat easier to maintain that illusion when you have the ability to dictate bedtimes, mode of dress, and mete out punishment if the rules are not followed.

This is not to say that all meddling parents are in any way malevolent or desire to see their children unhappy. In most cases, the intent is quite the opposite. However, parents are humans too. They have their emotions and imperfections, and sometimes they allow their intentions to cloud their judgment and get in the way of what they’re trying to do for their children.

Meddlesome parents want to be part of their child's life They desire to know what's going on, who's doing what, when assignments are due, and whom to talk to for every little situation.

So how do you deal with these interfering parents?

 Parents who are nosy - asking lots of questions, inquiring about everything you're doing,
wanting to know when and why and how - are just overly concerned parents. So, invite them
to your home.Let the parents know you are open for guests, parent volunteers, and friendly observations. Once you open your door, most overly curious parents will back off because they won't feel as if you have something to hide - even though  you never did.

Maintain frequent communication.Parents who impede in your life want to be informed parents. So begin  frequent communication with your parents.Once the meddlesome parents understand you want to have  open  and frequent communication, they'll have reason to leave you to your life.

 Invite them for a conference.Open an invitation for a parent/child conference. During the conference discuss  your concerns in an open, honest, and heartfelt fashion. Allow the parents to express their concerns and their  desires . With amicable communication, your efforts will likely end in positive results.

Reassure parents that you are doing your best .Once you let parents know you too want what's best for your life and theirs,hopefully they'll become complaisant and let you alone.You need to sit down with them and tell them how you feel. How it makes you feel undermined etc.

An eminent relationship counsellor, advises parents & in-laws to be supportive without intervening in the situation.

The situation is definitely made worse when they intervene," she says. "When in-laws get in on the act, the new member in the family will probably feel as if they are being ganged up upon, and feel alienated. Their child is put under enormous pressure as they have to start thinking about where their loyalties lie - with their parent or their partner.

"One of the most difficult parts of being a parent is to let your children move away from you and let them learn from their mistakes," she says. "Parents need to be there to listen and to offer their support, not to tell the kids what to do and not to get entangled in the problem itself."

She says that a parent's willingness to offer their opinion, with only their children's interests at heart, may backfire on them.

"If the couple work out their problems, they could turn against you because they think you were taking sides, or your child could turn on you in the future, full of resentment, because they think they could have made their marriage work."

She recommends offering active support, such as looking after the grandchildren so that the couple can talk things over, generally helping out with practical tasks to take some of the burden off or just lending a listening ear without making any judgments.

"At the end of the day," she adds "Parents can help out all they like but the couple has to sort their marriage out by themselves. You don't want a situation where they turn around in anger and deny you access to the grandchildren."

“Respect is a key ingredient if any relationship is to work, but it is particularly important if intergenerational relationships are to flourish. Often, different generations do not have the things in common that contemporaries do; respect is sometimes all that there is left to build a relationship on.

If there is no sign of your partner's parents showing you any respect then you are within your rights to ask for it. Arrange a time when you can sit down with your partner and their parents and have a sensible conversation. Explain to them that they do not have to like you but, if they love their child, your partner, then they owe it to them to show you some respect.

Remember though, when having the type of conversation described above, that you do not drive a wedge between your partner and their parents/your parents. At the same time, if your partner's parents are not willing to treat you with respect, it is reasonable to expect your partner to be on your side.

Lastly, always bear in mind that some parents are impossible to please. They will always see the generation that succeeds them as somehow deficient and not worthy of their respect. If your partner's parents/your parents are cut from this cloth then the simplest thing to do is to consider them irrelevant and not allow them to poison your relationship.”---  I think that sums up what all of us have at some time or the other had to undergo—either as a parent ,a child or as a partner in marriage.

IT BOILS DOWN TO EACH INDIVIDUAL’S NEED TO FEEL WANTED AND LOVED ESPECIALLY BY THEIR LOVED ONES.